pity party

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I’m counting calories again. I worked really hard to get where I was right before I got pregnant. I was the healthiest I had ever been. I was eating well. I felt great. Self esteem was good. I had just bought two new bikinis and a size four skirt – I hadn’t been a size four in years!

Then the wonderful news came. I definitely enjoyed eating without remorse during the pregnancy. I have a big, healthy boy now so I shouldn’t be complaining. I gained 55 lbs. total and have since lost 30 lbs. I should be proud of that, but I’m so impatient. I keep telling myself I’m being ridiculous. It took nine months to put on, it’s not going to just fall off. But I really want to rock my old jeans again.

I’m angry that my body is so damaged and I can’t do everything I want to do. I am sick of elastic and want to be able to actually button a pair of pants. I want to wear my old heels again. I actually miss cardio – crazy but true.

I put away all of my pre-pregnancy clothes that don’t fit yet so I don’t have to stare at them anymore (notice I said “yet”. It will happen!). I have more clothes that don’t fit than do. I will get there again.

All of my frustration and body anxiety aside, I love being a mom. It makes me feel great to love and care for my son. My family is beautiful and I couldn’t ask for anything better.

MyFitnessPal – Free Calorie Counter

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